As a woman, what if I know what I want, it's hard to find in my area, and I have to dig through a lot of noise to find it? Should I then just right swipe on a bunch of dudes I'm not interested in, leading them on and wasting everybody's time, just so I can keep using the app? This is absurd.
Yeah you're right... We can't really make people not picky.
So we have to limit something for men, because it's easier to become picky.
What if you could sort people by the ratio of messages to answers?
E.g. as a man you would show up more easily in results if you don't shotgun. And as a woman you will stay more hidden if your postbox is already overflowing.
However I strongly assume that most women on those site just are picky. Looking for something they can't find in real life... So the system is just broken anyway, at least for "normal" men.
There's an obvious imbalance in pickyness between the genders. So counter-weight that somehow.
It should encourage being picky for men, and discourage it for women.